The little moments in life can be the ones that lead us to the greatest revelations if we’re present and aware of them.
I haven’t been listening to many podcasts lately. I’ve very much been on a more inward facing journey. Consuming thoughts and general content of others isn’t something I’m seeking to do much of right now. But still, each morning I open up my podcasting app and check to see what new podcasts have been released. On occasion there is one that catches my eye and draws me in. In that moment I experience a knowing that this is something I need to hear. And so, I listen.
That happened today. I finished up my yoga practice, opened my podcast app, and immediately saw this episode of the Real AF podcast. I used to be a huge fan of this podcast. I would listen to every single episode and it was easily one of my favorites. If you know anything about me you know what a transformational journey 75 Hard was for me. So in general, I’m a big fan of Andy and his message. I haven’t listened to his podcast for quite a while now though. Once I stepped away from the state of the world content I slowly stopped listening. I needed space from all of that, and for the most part, I still do. But the episode released today wasn’t a state of the world one and for some reason I just knew I needed to click it.
Once I listened to the 25 minute episode something triggered my brain to remember that Andy has done a couple of episodes of day in the life type of videos on Youtube. For someone as successful as him, this was intriguing to me. I knew when I clicked on them that I wouldn’t see the standard rinse and repeat type of content of so many day in the life videos out there. As I’m sitting on my yoga mat I pull up the videos and spend 40 minutes watching both. Captivated. Inspired. Smiling. Impressed. Drawn in. This is a man who started at the bottom and worked his way up to a huge level of success. I knew this but stepping away from his content and then watching the videos was like revisiting your favorite restaurant that you go to once a year on your annual beach trip. So dang good.
After all of that I had a quiet revelation that got louder as the day went on.
I am, quite simply, not dreaming big enough.
Once this thought popped into my head I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
I can’t stop thinking about it.
For years I have been fluttering around choosing some small in the moment goals to go after and either giving them up or pursuing them only to realize years later that they’re not what I actually want.
Each thing I have embarked upon hasn’t felt right in one way or another and it’s felt that way because I now realize that it wasn’t right.
I was focused on things that I could do right now. Things I could offer in the moment. Ways to get out of my situation of working a 9-5 as fast as possible. In doing that I was tuning out of myself and ignoring the big thing that was right beside me all along. The big things are the things that will get me where I want to go and the road will most likely not be fast. I was trying to bypass the process.
Sometimes the hardest thing to see is the thing right in front of your face.
In this realization I also understood that I am not dreaming big enough. Not nearly big enough. Small goals. Sure, kind of big, but still not big enough because of my fear of failing.
As soon as I understood the tricky ways I’ve been trying to keep myself safe I was amazed that I was doing that! But at the same time, of course I was! That’s what we do as humans and that’s why doing the work and spending time reflecting and observing yourself from as many perspectives as possible is so important. This is the work. The important stuff. The way that we get from here to where we want to be.
Acceptance of where were at in the moment is a big thing to understand and welcome. “I don’t want to be right here, I want to be over there!” I’d think to myself time and time again. But realizing that over there isn’t the true place I want to be provided me with the opportunity to see where I actually want to go. My goals literally transformed from goals to GOALS overnight. I allowed myself to dream big, for real this time. And those GOALS are exciting, scary, and everything in between. They are what I know I want to go after. They seem slightly impossible. They are wildly enticing. Sure, I don’t know exactly how to get there yet, but the admittance and owning of this truth is the first step down the path.
We don’t get a retry on this life. This is it. At 31 years old I have realized my GOALS and I am owning them for what they are. I understand the work that will go into achieving them and I understand that I don’t quite realize what all will be revealed or required on this journey. And you know what, that’s okay. Actually, it’s more than okay. It’s great. I don’t want to know it all. If I knew what was coming in March 2020 when my dog died unexpectedly and the world shut down I do not know how I would have been able to navigate it. If I knew the mold home would have developed into what it did, I would not have walked that path. I do not need to know the steps of this journey, and I most certainly do not want to know what the journey will bring. I will take it as it comes and trust that it is exactly what I need in that moment. I will remain dedicated and committed to the path because the alternative is way more soul crushing and disappointing. I will do the dang thing and be so fiercely committed to my work that I will achieve those GOALS.
And I’m so excited to share more and take you along on that journey.
More to come.
THIS WEEKS OFFERINGS
I happened to open the email with this post literally minutes after having a conversation with Archer that was kind of along these lines. Loved reading, thank you for sharing! And I’m excited to see what evolves for you. ✨💗