The Holy Instant
75 Hard reflections
Tomorrow will mark 2 years since I began 75 Hard. It is one of those weird time stretching circumstances that seems like a much longer time but also doesn’t seem like it’s been that long at all.
Two years ago I was crawling out of a mold hell hole, sleeping on a futon with my belongings festering in the moldy space, and in a 6 year relationship that was not aligned in the slightest.
Today I am married to someone else, working consistently on creative projects, training for a marathon, and taking zero supplements.
Sure, it took me two years to get to this spot but also, the game changing decisions to do almost all of those things happened in an instant.
A Course In Miracles refers to this as the Holy Instant. Everything happens in a Holy Instant. That is when you drop all past and future fear and settle into the knowingness of the present. Love over fear. Unity over division. It all sounds very “love and lighty” and it is. But I’m here to share it in a more tangible way too. Love and light intertwined with realistic and useful.
When making decisions like committing to 75 hard, creative projects, or not taking any supplements it doesn’t seem like a big deal. It’s just something we have decided to do or not do. But there is power behind all of that. There is a depth achieved with the consistency and dedication in those type of small decisions.
As for the bigger decisions of breaking up with someone, getting married, marathon training - those are the ones that really get me excited. They’re not necessarily better or worse than the smaller decisions. After all, we are going to be making a lot more smaller decisions than big ones. Big decisions are big decisions because they are things that don’t happen as often. They’re just different.
But the one thing that the big and small decisions have in common is the fact that they happen. And if they’re not happening, then that is an opportunity to explore presence and connection with higher guidance. When it comes to decision making the present moment is absorbed into our cellular communication and from that place we see whatever it is for what it truly is. We immediately know what to do and how to do it. The decision is led from that space of connected guidance, not from the logical mind.
Think of all of the times that you tried to logic your way through a situation. White knuckling it as you believe it is what you should do for whatever reason. Sure, logic is useful and good, but when it comes to decisions that move the needle being led by esoteric guidance is the path.
That’s what happened for me when I started 75 Hard. I didn’t try to logic my way into it or through it. I didn’t think about what I would be doing throughout those 75 days. I didn’t worry about how I would be feeling with the mold healing I was going through. I didn’t think about how hard it would be to do two workouts a day. I didn’t think about any of it because in that moment of being challenged to do it, I was in a space of presence. When I made the decision from that space, the decision was solidified within me. I had a completely different relationship to that choice compared to choices that I made out of fear, stress, or worry” in the past.
I see so many people wanting to lose weight because they’re afraid to show the world how their body looks. They’re afraid of going to the gym. They’re afraid to miss out on the upcoming cake at the birthday party. Or the wedding this summer. They’re afraid to get a bad diagnosis at their yearly checkup.
They are seeking to lose weight out of fear.
I have been on a weight loss journey lately. I don’t even care to call it that because I truly don’t care what the number on the scale says. Instead, I’m looking to lose fat, build muscle, and fit into my clothes. Over the past year I have been in a heavy phase of working through the final phases of healing from mold and the remnants of health symptoms that it has left on its path. Combine that with immense levels of stress and trauma over the past 3 years. I have barely worked out since April 2022 because every time I worked out I would get sick. I really took it easy as much as possible, for the most part. The sedentary aspect of healing during that phase in my life combined with everything else resulted in me gaining weight - about 20 pounds. I noticed it in the ways that my clothes fit and the way that I felt overall.
I started counting macros two weeks ago and I’ve been consistently exercising since January. I am committed to this and the decision was made from a space of love, not fear. I’m not afraid to miss out on a birthday cake or to get a bad diagnosis. I’ve already been in both of those circumstances and neither one holds much weight in my life any more.
When you change what you value, your relationship to everything changes.
I don’t hold value in cake. Sure, I love cake. I’ll eat cake on occasion. But I won’t just eat cake because there is cake. I eat cake when I want… sometimes. There are times that I want it but chose not to have it for whatever the reason may be. But I don’t often want it because I know that the most loving thing I can do for myself and my body is to fuel it with nutrient dense whole foods. They make me feel good and keep me healthy. That is what I value, not cake.
And sure, diagnosis’s can be scary. But I also don’t hold much weight in them because I trust my body and I don’t allow anyone else to rule my future. If I was diagnosed with cancer tomorrow and the doctor told me I had 3 months to live, I would not value that opinion because I value the opinion of those who believe in radical remission and alternative healing modalities more. Their belief and perspective does not have to be my life sentence.
And so, with my 75 Hard anniversary I reflect on this all and I see how much it has helped to shape me into this person with these solid values and perspectives on the world. Sure, I’m not perfect with any of this. But I do practice it and bring awareness to it often. I recognize the importance of doing hard and challenging things. Putting yourself into circumstances that make you radically uncomfortable. Circumstances that make you a sponge for growth.
I see it in my past choices and I see it in others too. It’s a beautiful thing. In this society where we can have basically anything we want with the click of a button, to choose the opposite holds massive power and opportunity.
There is no growth in comfort. There is no fear in love. There is no compromising of values.
There is only that which embodies you in the divine Holy Instant.